What's In A Name?
by AkunoYume
Summary: Oneshot drabble: Envy's reflects on exactly why he was named after that particular sin. Rated for language, based off of the anime with serious series spoilers.


Warning: Spoiler alert for the anime; if you haven't seen the ending of the anime and don't want to know any details about Envy or the plot line, don't read. I mean it! It's gonna really suck if the whole thing is ruined for you because of _this_ little drabble. It's not worth it I promise!

Disclaimer: Don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, Full Metal Alchemist, FMA, or any other derivative of the title I forgot. I'm not making any money off of these fictions, so don't get your panties in a knot.

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I don't have much to do these days; after running around for four centuries things start to lose interest. Either my time is spent doing errands for that _woman_ or entertaining myself with humans and their short life-spans. On the rare off-moments where that bitch isn't having me run to some forsaken corner of the earth and I'm not ruining psyches, I reminisce on the good times: killing those Ishbalians during the war, watching the despair and death occur in Lior and taking part in a few shootouts sometimes. Yeah, I'll admit it: I'm a real sonvabitch. A murderer with enough bloodlust to kill for centuries and not be satisfied, a manipulative bastard capable of destroying a human mind with a single face, a demon with no soul.

Fuck being a demon, I'm the damned _devil_. And right now the devil himself is babysitting a damned tin-can while that woman "makes ready the preparations". I mean it, if she weren't my source of red stone, she'd be long-since dead. Especially for who she's...

...I hate my name: _Envy_. What the Hell am I just so _envious_ of? HUMANS? Please, humans are weak and pathetic. Nothing more than canon fodder for the better existence, or food I guess when you think about Gluttony. So what exactly am I so jealous of?..._You_ maybe. No. No way in Hell am I jealous of _you_. You are weak, disgusting, ignorant and troublesome; if you weren't so damned vital to the plan I'd have killed you a long time ago. Tortured you, _then_ killed you, nice and slow and painful. Just like you deserve. For being you, for everything you are, for everything you _have_...

Why does everyone think you're so fucking _perfect_: an academic genius, a loved older brother, a hero, a sought-after lover, a good guy; you've got talent, you've got friends and family, you've got respect and admiration and intelligence and a brother and _his_ acceptance. But you are _not_ a better version of _me_. _I'm_ the better one, _I'm_ the stronger one and I'll _always_ win. You'll never win against me because you're weak and stupid and kind and innocent; you aren't a killer, you aren't a bastard, you aren't a demon. So I'll always come out on top with you bleeding and broken and defeated.

But it's never enough. It'll never be enough...I want to see your face twisted in pain, despair, agony, hopelessness, fear, and shock all at once. I want your damnable expressive golden eyes to lose that glint of life, to become hollow and empty before finally glazing over into a perfect gaze of death. I want to rip out your precious blonde hair strand by strand, I want to break every bone in your pipsqueak body and rupture every organ and burst every artery and vein and bruise every inch of tanned skin and taut muscle you have, I want to break you and make you cry and make you _beg me_ to kill you. All because of who you are, what you have, and how you think...

No one can be that innocent or hopeful and live as long as you have; almost sixteen years and you still have the mentality of a damn _kid_. Wonder if your mentality is connected to your height...

You don't even think you've done anything wrong I bet. You're so _good_ and _noble_ and _pure_ that you can't fathom what you've done; you feel guilty for things you have almost no connection to, just because you were _there_ to see it happen. You just go around trying to help people, trying to do good and keep your promises, but in the end you'll fail. You'll _always_ fail. Because children are weak and stupid and kind and innocent.

If you feel so much for them, and even for Greed and Lust and Wrath, why do you hate me as much as I hate you? You have every fucking reason to feel guilty for what you've put _me_ through; he rejected me because of _you_. _ME_. He left me because he had _you_, because you're so good and noble and pure and weak and stupid and he loved you because of it. He's the one who did this to me! HE MADE ME!! IT'S HIS FAULT! SO THAT MAKES IT YOUR FAULT TOO! IT'S YOUR DAMN FAULT HE ABANDONED ME BECAUSE HE THOUGHT YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME!!

I hate you, I want you dead. Good guys always lose, and I'll always win. I'll never lose to _you_. I'm not jealous of who you are, what you have, or how you think. You're weak. You're pathetic. You're a _human_. I don't want that, I don't want anything and I'm not envious of anything to do with you either.

I'm not. I've got to go track down Gluttony; the bitch is calling for us.

I'm _not_.

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Author's Note: This is anime version Envy, most obviously, and it's really a very out-of-character drabble about him. He'd never actually reflect on this kind of stuff, but hey, why not ruin a character every now and then? Laughs I might be provoked into writing some more FMA fiction once my troublesome art projects are done and out of the way, but I had to write this. I really like Envy's character a lot, and I like role-playing him, so the whole concept of superiority was actually indirectly started with an Envy/Ed role-play I had with my girlfriend. XD 

As always, reviews and criticism are very much appreciated, flames - especially those consisting of OOC since I'm already aware of that - will be ignored and mocked. Thank you again!


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